Thursday, June 19, 2008

And now, something from the past...Weapons of Liturgical Warfare

-Do you feel a weird feeling that something is not right everytime you attend one of those clown Masses in your local church?
-Do you get an impulse to break out to the doors as dancers break out their jigs on the Altar?
-Have you ever mentioned words like Liturgical Abuse to someone in the parish and all you get is a blank stare or worse, get ridiculed or even ostracized?
-Did you ever use words like obedience, tradition, rubrics, Pope Benedict, GIRM, Summorum Pontificum, or better yet, talk in Latin to your local Liturgist, who suddenly looked like he/she will rotate his/her head and would have pea soup spurt out of his/her mouth by merely hearing it (or have even done the above)?
-Is there a mysterious drought of Holy Water during Lent at your Holy Water Fonts?
-Are Father A. or Deacon B.'s chances of wearing properly ordered or colored vestments next to nil?
-Does any god have a greater probability of being mentioned or invoked in your Sunday Mass except for the true God?
-Is the word men, male or he banned in your parish to the point that God is never referred with the above words, or worse is considered a she?

Or if actually used, is always used after female pronouns to the point that (if you are a male) you wanted to start an organization to stop this sexist discrimination of males in our present society?
-Do you play a little game called 'Where's Jesus?' everytime you visit your church?
-Does your local Priest or Ordinary prove to have a head, ears and a heart made of stone on Liturgical matters?
-Have your Sunday Liturgy become such that it is no longer 'Protestant-looking' nor 'Paganlike', but had turned into something so bad that the English language had not invented a term for it yet?

Fret no more, for now there is a weapon to counter all these things:

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, finally here are weapons that can combat those dastardly 'Weapons of MASS destruction' that so plague many of our Churches today: the Roman Missile (Type IHS-BXVI-VII-MM-TRAD) along with its companion instruction book, the General Instruction for the Roman Missile. Order now and you will also receive for free:

The Roman Cannon with its companion book, the Code of Cannon Law.
And, as a special offer, if you call right now and order the Roman Missile or the Roman Cannon in bulk, you will also receive:

The Motu Motor!
Is your local priest or bishop adamant in his position against the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite? Just install the Motu Motor in your Roman Cannon and we'll guarantee that your local cleric would change his mind and embrace tradition! So call now at 1800-STOPLITURGICALABUSES and order your Roman Missile today!

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